Lost Bonds
by Kouri Arashi
Summary: Written for the gen!meme. After an argument in which Masaomi tells Mikado he wishes they had never met, he wakes up the next day to find that Mikado no longer remembers him. PG-13.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

It was a beautiful autumn day, crisp and clear, one where even in the heart of Ikebukuro, you could still smell the trees. The bright sun shined in direct contrast with Masaomi's mood; the proverbial black cloud was hovering over his head as he made his way down the street with plodding footsteps. He could swear that he could hear words echoing with every step.

_/ "It's not like it was that easy for me either, okay? Why don't you just build yourself a bridge and get over it?" /_

His own words, sometimes. Mikado's words, sometimes.

_/ "I had a lot on my mind, and I know that doesn't make it okay, I know that, but at least – I tried when I could, I tried to protect Sonohara-san, which I didn't see __you__ doing – " /_

He had spoken harsh words in anger before. Of course, everyone had. But some things could never be taken back, and he was fairly sure that this argument was one of those times. The ironic thing was that he had met with Mikado to try to make things right. He had missed Mikado while he was away with Saki, more than words could say. He wanted to make things right between them.

_/ "Don't start that bullshit with me, you're just as naïve and idealistic as you always were. Some of us have to live in the real world!" /_

But the resentment was too deep. Maybe too deep to ever overcome.

_/ "Okay, fine, I'm nothing but a little baby, I should have stayed in the country, I get it, okay? That doesn't give you the right to come in here and take my head off for things that were far beyond my control!" /_

He couldn't even remember how the argument had started. One wrong word, a smile at the wrong time, a shrug when an actual reply was needed. He remembered the resentment building up inside him, a bitter black poison that finally started gushing from his mouth.

He didn't remember which one of them had started it, but he remembered ending it himself.

_/ "I wish that you had never come to Ikebukuro! No, that's not enough. I wish – I wish that I had never become friends with you! I wish I had never even met you!" / _

Mikado had gone white then, silent and still for several long moments. Despite the anger, the guilt, the harsh feelings that had become harsh words, he truly loved his friend. It had taken him several tries before he had been able to speak, and even then all he could manage was a faint apology for having been such a burden, before he turned on his heels and fled.

The vicious satisfaction at having made Mikado run with his tail between his legs had lasted all of five minutes before Masaomi started to wonder what the hell he had just done. Overnight, the hesitant regret had become stark self-recrimination and sorrow so deep that it threatened to swallow him whole.

He knew Mikado well enough to understand that Mikado would never approach him after he had said that – that cool, diffident politeness in social situations where they couldn't avoid each other was all he would ever get from Mikado again. He couldn't stand the thought of it. Couldn't stand the thought of watching as Mikado treated Anri or Kadota-tachi to the same easy affection that they had once shared. And since Mikado would never do or say anything, would honor Masaomi's request, then it was up to Masaomi to apologize.

It was Sunday, so he was now heading towards Mikado's apartment. He wasn't sure what he was going to stay, but figured he would start off with 'I'm an idiot', follow it up with 'a really, really sorry idiot', and then see whether or not Mikado slammed the door in his face or what.

But when Mikado opened the door, the look on his face wasn't anger or hatred, like Masaomi was afraid of, or happiness that his friend was coming to see him, which Masaomi had secretly hoped for, or even wary suspicion, which was what he had honestly expected. It was a simple blank look, followed by Mikado's usual polite, "Can I help you?"

Taken off guard, Masaomi stammered, "Oh, uh, M-Mikado? I came – I had to come apologize, I'm so sorry, I'm always such a jerk – "

Halfway through this, he saw the little frown crease Mikado's forehead, and the other teenager said, "I'm sorry, but, uhm, who are you?"

A pang of uneasiness shot through Masaomi's stomach. Why was Mikado pretending that he didn't know him? Was this how he figured he would get through the days? By truly honoring Masaomi's wish and acting as if they had never met before this very moment?

He couldn't live like that. He had to make his friend see how truly sorry he was. "Mikado, it's me, please don't be like that – I understand that I deserve it, I deserve to have my ass kicked all the way to Hokkaido and back, but I – "

"No, really," Mikado said, staring at him in open bewilderment. "I – I really don't know who you are."

Masaomi was still working on what the hell he could say to that when he heard footsteps inside the apartment and tensed. "Mikado-kun, who was at the – oh, Masaomi-kun." Izaya appeared behind Mikado, looking over his shoulder. He was clearly surprised and, although most people wouldn't have noticed, puzzled to see Masaomi there. "Were you looking for me?"

"No, I – I came to see Mikado, why the hell would I ever look for you?" Masaomi asked, retaining enough wits to snarl at Izaya.

"You know Mikado-kun?" Izaya asked, filing this tidbit of information away.

"No, he doesn't," Mikado said. He frowned hard at Masaomi and said, "I think – you go to Raira, right? But you're in class B. I don't think we've ever actually spoken before."

"But I – but you – " Masaomi couldn't handle it anymore. Whether Mikado was just screwing with him and enlisting Izaya for help (but why would Izaya be in Mikado's apartment? a little voice nagged in the back of Masaomi's mind), or whether something truly bizarre was happening, either way he couldn't handle it. He bowed his head, mumbled, "Pardon the intrusion," and then turned on his heels and fled the way he had forced Mikado to do the day before.

Masaomi walked for several long minutes without thinking about where he was going, his mind awhirl with confusion. Strange things happened in Ikebukuro every day, but this was one he wasn't willing to accept, not yet. Mikado couldn't have forgotten him. He might be angry, might be hurt, might even hate him, but he would never have _forgotten_ him.

Since Izaya couldn't be trusted, he had to get information from an alternative source. He took a shaky breath as his nerves calmed somewhat, as he formulated a plan. Then he took out his phone and texted Saki. 'You busy?'

It was only moments before she replied, in her usual sweet-but-slightly-coy manner. 'Never too busy for you.'

Masaomi breathed another sigh of relief. It wasn't that everyone had forgotten him. No, he already knew that. Izaya had still known him, and had acted according to their relationship as of the last status that Masaomi knew. It was only Mikado who had been affected – which he hadn't been, Masaomi reminded himself sharply. It was just a trick. Mikado had gotten some stupid idea in his head and Izaya, that snake, had probably encouraged him.

He met Saki at her favorite café and, unable to help himself, dove right in. "I had a fight with Mikado."

She met this statement with a blank face. Masaomi's stomach began to churn. "Mikado . . .?" she asked.

Masaomi had to swallow hard before he could speak. Mikado might act like he didn't know him out of some confused idea that it was what Masaomi wanted, Izaya might pull a nasty trick like this, but Saki would never, ever lie to him. "Do you know him? Ryugamine Mikado?"

After a few moments, her face cleared. "Oh! Izaya-san's errand boy?"

"Right," Masaomi managed, in a strangled tone of voice.

Of course, it all made perfect sense. How, in a world where he and Mikado had never met, would Mikado have wound up in Ikebukuro? Because he had still gotten his computer and ventured into the online world, still formed the Dollars, still met 'Kanra'. Instead of Masaomi encouraging him to come to Ikebukuro, Izaya had. That might explain why Izaya had been at Mikado's apartment, too.

"You got in a fight with him?" Saki's tone was somewhat disapproving. "I thought we had agreed we would avoid Izaya-san."

"Trying to avoid Izaya-san is like trying to avoid the common cold," Masaomi muttered. "You can try, but that doesn't mean he won't still get you."

Saki laughed, the noise filled with warmth. "I suppose that's true, but what were you doing tangling with his new protégé?"

"Nothing. Never mind." Masaomi shook his head and tried to wave this aside. "It doesn't matter, just forget I brought it up."

Saki arched her eyebrows, but apparently decided not to push any further. She knew Masaomi well enough to know that if he wasn't to talk, he would, and would do it in his own way when he was ready. So she nodded and then changed the subject to their plans for the day. Masaomi was staring off into space, tense and distracted. Finally, Saki laughed again and said, "You're no good to me at all today, Masaomi. Why don't you go find somewhere to relax? I'll just do the same."

"I'm sorry," he said, chagrined.

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "It's fine."

They said their goodbyes and Masaomi wandered back to his apartment in a daze. He hadn't particularly felt like dealing with his parents when he had gotten back, but they had accepted his return with the same blind serenity that they had accepted everything else he ever did. He sometimes wondered what exactly he would have to do, in order to catch his parents' attention.

Hesitantly, dreading it, he pulled up the Dollars' website on his computer. If he looked at the forums or the chatlogs, he thought he might get a better idea of what this alternate universe he had somehow created might entail. He entered the password and it worked fine, but then it displayed a message. A 'welcome new user' message and instructions on how to create a profile for the website.

If he had never met Mikado, how different would the past year of events have been? The trouble with Yagiri Pharmaceuticals wouldn't have changed that much. It might have gone down even more easily, with Izaya right behind Mikado the entire way. But the events with the Blue Squares taking over the Yellow Scarves, with the Slasher . . . they must have happened differently. But how differently? And how was he supposed to find out? How could he gather information that everyone else would think he already knew?

And did it even matter? Whatever had happened, it was over. Somehow it had happened without his ever meeting Mikado. Who cared now about the exact events? Masaomi groaned and flopped backwards onto his futon.

There was a third option – one he was trying not to consider. An option beyond 'Mikado is messing with you' and secondary to 'something truly weird is going on'. The option of 'am I just losing my mind?' It hung over him now, the specter of madness. Maybe he had wanted a friend so badly that he had just invented all of this in his head.

"Don't be an idiot," he said to himself, fiercely. "You might be stupid, but you're not crazy. If you were going to invent a fantasy world for yourself, it would suck a lot less than this."

This decision made, he continued to stare up at his ceiling and ponder his options.

Ignoring the obvious problem that he had no idea how to go about fixing this mess he had made, he focused on the simpler, although by no means easier, dilemma of whether or not he should even try. Maybe Mikado would be better off without Masaomi in his life. It was true that he felt like all he had ever done around his friend was screw things up. Mikado was probably happy enough. He had still founded the Dollars. He probably had a good life.

All of which he thought he could accept, but whenever he was on the verge of giving in, he could hear Saki's voice saying 'Izaya-san's errand boy?' and he got so angry that he wanted to scream. Izaya couldn't have Mikado. Izaya had already taken so much from him. And the thought of Izaya bringing Mikado up as his 'protégé', of corrupting and twisting his unbelievably naïve, idealistic, genuinely _decent_ friend . . .

That was one thing Masaomi knew he could never accept.

There had to be a way to fix this. He had done this, somehow, so there had to be a way to undo it.

Masaomi rose from his futon and left his apartment in search of answers.

~to be continued~


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"You're awfully quiet over there, Mikado-kun," Izaya said, not looking up from where he was busily texting away.

"Mm," Mikado agreed. Ostensibly, he was doing his homework, but Izaya knew him better than that. He could talk and do trigonometry at the same time. After a moment, he realized that Izaya's statement had been as much a question, which he was obviously supposed to answer. "Oh. I'm just thinking about what happened earlier."

Izaya nodded, having expected this answer. He hummed a happy tune for a moment as he received a particularly interesting text, then said, "You're sure you've never met him before?"

"I'm sure, but . . ." Mikado's voice trailed off. Izaya was his friend. He was the reason he had come to Ikebukuro. But there were some things that he just couldn't tell him. He didn't think he could have put it into words, anyway. There had just been something in the blonde boy's eyes that defied explanation. A desperate look. Hopelessness. Mikado couldn't explain why, but he couldn't stop thinking about it, couldn't stop feeling a dull ache in the back of his throat.

"But?" Izaya prompted.

"I felt like I _should_ have known him," Mikado finally said.

"Well, you've probably heard of him," Izaya said. He arched his eyebrows at Mikado and then laughed. "This really did throw you for a loop, my fine young protégé. You haven't thought enough to recognize the name."

"Masaomi-san, right?" Mikado asked.

"Mm," Izaya agreed. "Kida Masaomi-kun. The leader of the Yellow Scarves."

"Oh," Mikado said, startled. "I didn't realize. I don't know that I've ever heard his first name before. It still amazes me that we got through that entire mess six months ago without ever actually meeting. I kept expecting to turn around and find him right behind me one day." He let out a rueful laugh. "But I guess not."

Izaya clearly thought that this was just as well. He had already lost one protégé to Masaomi, and he had no intention of losing another. "You wouldn't like him."

"Oh?" Mikado asked, chewing on the end of his pencil as he worked through another program.

"Yeah. He's got just about every quality you hate in a person. He's impulsive, immature, and stubborn to boot. He's entirely predictable. Plus he's something of a coward." Izaya listed these damning qualities in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

"He can't be all that bad," Mikado said. "If Mikajima-san likes him as much as you've told me."

Despite himself, Izaya's nose wrinkled. "They must have just gotten back."

"You don't know that. It's not like they would have sent you a memo."

"I would have heard."

Mikado shrugged slightly. "Seems to me that if Mikajima-san wants to avoid you, she'd be able to stay off your radar."

Izaya looked up and grinned at him. "Now you're just trying to get a rise out of me," he said, clearly amused. He was proud of his little protégé. He had come a long way from the stammering country boy that had arrived in the city less than a year previous. Izaya had had his doubts at first, but now he was glad that he had taken the boy under his wing. His growth was so amusing to watch. "But you're probably right, about Saki, anyway."

After a few moments, Mikado closed the textbook and put it away. "Why would he act like he knows me, though? He was trying to apologize for something. He really seemed to mean it, but I don't even know what it was."

"Maybe he was trying to apologize for everything that happened six months ago," Izaya suggested. That seemed like the idiotic kind of idea that Masaomi might get into his head.

Mikado mulled this over. "While I agree that he might have some culpability for that, it's hardly his entirely. And even if it was, why would he feel the need to come apologize to _me_? He doesn't even know me."

Izaya gave a shrug. "Weirder things have happened in Ikebukuro," he said, and took a glance over at his younger friend. He saw immediately that his words were making no headway. Mikado had gotten the puzzle into his head, and now that that had happened, there was no going back. He didn't know a single person who could be more stubborn and headstrong than Mikado with a mystery to solve. He laughed. "All right. I'll e-mail Saki and see if I can find out what bee has gotten into Masaomi's bonnet. As for you, I have work for you today, so put it out of your head. This is Ikebukuro, Mikado-kun. You've got to keep your wits about you."

* * *

><p>Masaomi found Kadota and his little gang hanging out at Russia Sushi, which was just about where he would have expected to find them at the dinner hour. He was a little uneasy approaching them, not knowing how the dominoes had fallen this time around, but Kadota looked up and gave him the usual easy nod as he approached.<p>

He wasn't exactly sure why he found himself going to Kadota whenever he needed information. The older man often knew what was going on, and it was certainly better to ask him than to ask Izaya. But it was more than that. Kadota seemed like the only person he knew who was capable of treating him like the kid he was, without patronizing him. It was a valuable talent, and one that Masaomi truly appreciated. Besides, Kadota was someone he could always trust to give it to him straight, and not talk around an issue.

"Do you mind if I join you?" he asked.

Kadota waved to the available seat. "When'd you get back in town?"

"Just a few days ago." Masaomi took a deep breath. "I need to ask you something." He spared an uneasy glance for the others and added, "Privately."

Kadota sipped his tea, considered, and shook his head. "Nah. They'll just eavesdrop anyway. Whatever you have to say, say it in front of everyone."

Masaomi wanted to argue, but he knew he was treading on thin ice as it was. He took another deep breath and said, "If I tell you a story that sounds too weird to be believed, will you believe me?"

"Sure," Kadota said, thumbed at Yumasaki and Karisawa, and said, "I hang out with those two."

Karisawa laughed. "Dotachin, you're so right!"

"This is weirder than that," Masaomi said. "This is . . . this is Ikebukuro weird. It's crazy. It can't have happened, but I swear to you that it did."

"Lay it on me," Kadota said, then held up a hand for Masaomi to wait. The blonde shut his mouth, and a moment later, Simon arrived with their sushi. He greeted Masaomi cheerfully, set down the food, and then departed. "Okay," Kadota said, picking up a piece of sashimi. "Go ahead."

"Do you know Ryuugamine Mikado?"

"Course I do," Kadota said, looking at him blankly. "You know that."

"I _don't_ know that, that's the problem," Masaomi said. One more deep breath and he launched into the story. He skimmed over the specifics of the argument, not really wanting to discuss that in detail, and Kadota listened to the tale with his usual stoic expression. At the end, in a rush, Masaomi asked, "Do you believe me?"

Kadota considered, then said, "I can't think of any reason you'd lie about something like this, and stranger things probably _have_ happened around here, so yeah, I believe you."

Masaomi gave a sigh of relief and finally started in on his sushi, although he wasn't really very hungry. While he was thinking things over, Karisawa and Yumasaki got in a heated discussion of alternate timelines and the likelihood that this one was caused by either magic or technology. He sat for several long minutes, tuning them out, before he said, "I guess I need to know what happened. How things are different now."

Kadota tapped his fingers against the table and said, "From the way you described things, not much has changed beyond the fact that Mikado-kun wasn't at the 'final showdown', so to speak, or at least I don't remember him being there. Which makes sense. If he didn't know you personally, there was no reason for him to be there. The Blue Squares had assembled – as the Yellow Scarves, true – and the Dollars took them on. But Mikado-kun's physical presence was unnecessary. He knew what we were up to. Which I guess he didn't, in your version."

Masaomi nodded silently, then asked, "What about Anri-chan? Was she there?"

"Yeah, she was there," Kadota said. "You two are still friends, as far as I know."

A sense of relief filled Masaomi. At least he hadn't lost everything.

"Hey," Kadota said, "what do you plan to do about this?"

Masaomi wasn't sure what to say, especially with all four of them suddenly staring at him, even Togusa, who up until that point had been focused on his sushi. "W-What do you mean?" he asked. "I don't even know how this happened. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I have no idea what I _can_ do."

"That's not what I meant." Kadota pointed to Masaomi with his chopsticks. "I don't know how to fix it. My question is, are you going to try?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Masaomi asked, flustered. "Mikado is my friend."

"Do you know what your problem is, Kida?"

Masaomi sighed. "No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"You don't know how to accept responsibility when you fuck up," Kadota said. "When things went south with the Yellow Scarves, you bailed. When Saki got hurt, you avoided her. When things blew up with the Blue Squares again, you took a six-month vacation with your girlfriend. Are you seeing a pattern here?"

His face turning pink, Masaomi fought against alternating waves of rage and shame. "What's your point?" he asked rudely.

"My point," Kadota said, "is that you may not be able to fix this. You said it. You can't take it back. Take responsibility. You made your bed; now lie in it."

"Easy for you to say," Masaomi retorted. "You didn't lose your best friend!"

Both Karisawa and Yumasaki seemed to take an exception to Masaomi's tone, but a quick look from Kadota squelched their indignant retorts. "No, I didn't," Kadota said quietly. "But you know who did besides you? Mikado-kun. And he lost his best friend the moment those words left your mouth, regardless of whatever supernatural hoodoo took over after that. So why don't you go home and think about that before you decide whether or not to pursue this. Mikado-kun may be better off without you."

"But not with Izaya," Masaomi said. "Never with Izaya."

"Who he's friends with, who he works for, it's not your decision to make," Kadota said.

"Izaya isn't his friend. No matter what he thinks. Izaya told me he was the founder of the Dollars, to come between us."

Kadota sipped his tea. "Not in this universe," he reminded Masaomi.

"He sold his name to Horada, who put a price on his head!"

"Then tell Mikado-kun that. Not me."

Masaomi stood, ready to storm out, then remembered his manners. Whether he liked the answers or not, Kadota had told him what he wanted to know and probably been nicer to him than he deserved. Kadota always played it straight with him. He bowed his head and said, "Thank you for your guidance," before turning and leaving the restaurant.

The others watched him go.

"How long before he figures out that Yagiri Namie did that, not Izaya?" Togusa wondered aloud.

Kadota let out a snort. "Probably about as long as it takes for him to go find Mikado-kun and start flinging accusations around."

Togusa watched Karisawa and Yumasaki argue over the last piece of sushi for a few moments before he said, "It's gonna be an interesting week."

* * *

><p><em>R&amp;R please! =D<em>


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for the reviews so far!_

Chapter Three

By the time Masaomi got home from Russia Sushi, it was late, and he had decided against approaching Mikado until the next day. He was tired, and his nerves were too raw. If they got into another argument, he didn't trust himself. At the same time, despite his exhaustion, he didn't think he was tired enough to sleep.

He knew that he could talk to Mikado during school the next day. When he and Saki had returned the week before, she had talked him into re-enrolling at Raira. The paperwork had been easy enough to fudge, some pretend credits from a school he had supposedly transferred to. Masaomi wasn't sure he saw the point in school, but then again he definitely didn't want to spend his time just sitting around. It would be good to get out and be among friends again.

After lying around and spending some quality time staring at the ceiling, his mind chasing itself in circles, he went back to his computer and flipped it on. The screen was still displaying the 'welcome new user' screen on the Dollars website. Masaomi let out a sigh and began to build himself a new profile, using the same handle, Bacula, that he had used in his own universe.

Once he was finished, it displayed a button saying 'chat now!' He stared at it for a few moments, then, against his better judgment, he clicked on it.

~Bacula has entered the chatroom~

Kanra: And on top of that, I heard that if nobody stepped up and claimed it, there would be a real free-for-all!

Setton: Where do you hear these things?

Kanra: Oh, you know~

Kanra: Here, there, and everywhere.

Tanaka Taro: He's probably, right, though.

Setton: What did you hear?

Kanra: Hey, a new person!

Tanaka Taro: Ah~

Tanaka Taro: Hello, nice to meet you.

Masaomi was irritated for no reason, wanting to know what it was that Mikado had heard. He doubted it was relevant to what was going on, but he thought it might give him a better idea of what sort of person Mikado was, who Mikado-who-was-Izaya's-protégé had turned out to be. Not knowing that seemed dangerous.

He wasn't sure what to say, what sort of persona to present. He doubted it would be more than a few days before Izaya figured out who 'Bacula' was – it certainly hadn't taken him long in the other universe – but for those few days, it was an unparalleled opportunity to learn more about the world in which he found himself. That meant being cheerful and friendly, no matter how much his heart wasn't in it.

Bacula: Hello everybody!

Setton: Evening.

Tanaka Taro: It's so rare to get new people in the chatroom these days.

Kanra: They're all intimidated by you, Tanaka Taro-kuuuuun~

Tanaka Taro: Cut it out.

Bacula: I'm intimidated by nobody!

Kanra: Then you'll fit right in around here!

Kanra: Say, you know what I heard?

'Kanra' launched into some long, convoluted story about a drug deal and the Yakuza and several people that Masaomi had never heard of. The others listened in interest, and Masaomi chipped in some comments whenever he would think of something clever. He was surprised to find that Mikado was actually contributing to the story on occasion, and once had to stop and clear up something that Izaya had gotten incorrect.

It was obvious to Masaomi that Mikado wasn't just Izaya's 'errand boy', as Saki had put it, but worked for him in the same capacity that she had. Gathering information, verifying facts, trading favors. It made him intensely uncomfortable. That wasn't the sort of work that Mikado should be doing. And how did he have time for it? Masaomi knew that Mikado took his schoolwork very seriously.

Since he obviously wasn't going to get any answers any time soon, he chatted until it was fairly late, then begged off because he had school the next day.

Tanaka Taro: Oh, are you still in school?

Tanaka Taro: Where do you go?

Bacula: It's a secret~!

Kanra: He'll find out anyway.

That was a problem that Masaomi hadn't thought about. The possibility that Mikado, being different, might be taking a more active leadership role in the Dollars. Kadota had hinted at that, when he had said that Mikado had known what was going on in the warehouse. Masaomi knew that his Mikado hadn't had any idea that the Dollars had infiltrated the Yellow Scarves. But this Mikado had.

That meant that it was fully possible that this Mikado would track his screenname, match his IP address, and figure out who it was that he was talking to.

With a sigh, Masaomi decided to burn that bridge when he got to it. There was too much else going on to worry about it right at the moment. He said good night to the others, crawled into bed, and finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.

He ran late the next morning, nearly sleeping past when he had to be up, and found himself too flustered on the way to school to come up with any sort of plan. Planning had never been his strong point anyway, but he had to have _some_ clue about how to approach Mikado or this was going to be a disaster. He got to campus just before school began, and had to visit the office to make sure his 'transfer' had gone through appropriately and that he was still in class B, which he was.

While the teacher droned on about statistics for one period and Japanese literature for another and history for another, Masaomi stared out the window, fidgeting and trying to think ahead. He had startled Mikado when he had showed up at his apartment the other day, and had handled it badly. How could he explain that away? The short answer was that he couldn't. But he could at least say that he had thought Mikado would recognize him – given what he now knew about this Mikado, he was somewhat surprised that Mikado hadn't – and that the apology had been for his loss of control over the Yellow Scarves, which had resulted in so much chaos for the Dollars.

He had no idea whether or not Mikado would believe any of these lies for a moment, but he had to make some sort of explanation. After that was done, he was completely at a loss. Kadota's words still echoed in his mind. What was he going to do? Was he going to try to change things back? Make friends with Mikado anew? Make him see that Izaya was a snake? Or simply let things go?

The morning dragged on and still the lunch period came before he had made any decisions. He ducked out of the classroom with no appetite and thought about finding a safe place to hide, or simply ditching and going somewhere else altogether. He was on the stairs when he heard a voice call out behind him, "Kida-kun, right?"

Swallowing, he turned to face Mikado. "Ah, yes," he said, stupidly. "Kida Masaomi."

"I'm Ryuugamine Mikado . . . but then again I guess you already knew that." Mikado was looking at Masaomi with a thoughtful expression, and there was no nervous little laugh after his introduction the way Masaomi would have expected. "I'm glad I found you. I wanted to talk to you."

This statement from Mikado was so direct, so forward, so completely unlike the Mikado that Masaomi knew, that all Masaomi was able to do was give another rather stupid nod. "Okay."

"Not here. You want to go up to the roof?"

"Ah!" Masaomi remembered. "Only bad kids who want to smoke go up to the roof!"

"That's just in manga," Mikado said, with a laugh, and the déjà vu was so strong that Masaomi felt like he had been kicked in the stomach. Only hadn't it been the other way around last time? He couldn't recall and didn't care. "Come on."

There were some other people up on the roof, but nobody was smoking. Mikado sat down on a bench and Masaomi awkwardly sat down next to him. Without waiting to see what Mikado was going to say, Masaomi launched into his explanation for the events of the previous day. It came a little more stumbling than he would have liked, but he got it all out, and Mikado did not interrupt him.

When he finally finished, Mikado said, "Rehearse that a lot?"

"Uh, yeah, actually."

"I could tell."

"Great."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Mikado opened up a juice box and took a few drinks before saying, "You're hiding something from me."

Masaomi winced but managed to hide it. "If you say so."

"I'm going to find out, you know," Mikado said. His voice was calm, matter-of-fact. "That's what I do."

Masaomi wouldn't look at him. "I'll take your word on it."

Mikado stood and said, "I'll see you around," before he turned and walked away, leaving Masaomi staring blankly out into the open sky and wondering what exactly he had gotten himself into.

* * *

><p>Masaomi's exact thought when he heard someone calling his name on the way to his lockers was 'oh, come on, what now?', but then his brain kicked into gear and recognized the voice. He turned to see Anri coming down the hallway toward him, and his mood genuinely lifted. "Anri-chan! How I've missed you!"<p>

Anri laughed her shy laugh and said, "When did you get back?"

"Just yesterday," he lied. He hadn't contacted her immediately upon his arrival because he had wanted to clear the air with Mikado first. That obviously hadn't happened, and since she had no idea that it would have been necessary, he couldn't say that he had been back for several days without awkward questions hanging in the air. "And now I will take you out for ice cream!" he added, with a gallant bow.

"It's too cold for ice cream," Anri pointed out.

"Well, tea, then," Masaomi said. He wasn't about to let Anri's logic take the wind out of his sails.

"Okay," Anri agreed, with that smile of hers that made his heart bounce around uncomfortably in his chest. He supposed he loved her, though he wasn't sure whether or not he was 'in love' with her. He was in love with Saki; he knew that for a solid fact. But Anri was special to him, in the same way that Mikado was. And she at least had noticed something was going on with him, which was more than he could say of his theoretical best friend –

He felt the bitterness welling up again and tried to tamp it back down. Mikado had had his own problems, his own concerns. And if he hadn't realized that Masaomi's life was spinning wildly out of control, that wasn't entirely his fault. Masaomi was the one who had been pretending everything was fine, the one who had been hiding the truth. He had been keeping as many secrets as Mikado had.

They had both been at fault, and Masaomi knew that. He had even known that when he had gone to make things right with his friend. But somehow the anger had taken over. He wondered why he could see that so clearly now.

"Was that Ryuugamine-kun I saw you talking to earlier?" Anri asked, as they left the school and headed into the cool autumn sun.

"Ah," Masaomi said, startled back into his new world. He wondered if Mikado was still the class representative. It seemed unlike the new Mikado, but then again it had been quite unlike the old one, too. Either way, he and Anri were in the same class, so it stood to reason that they would be at least nodding acquaintances. "Yeah." He figured the truth was probably the best answer in this case. "I wanted to apologize to him, you know, for all the trouble the Scarves caused before I left."

He realized he hadn't seen Anri in the chat room the night before. She had been using it fairly frequently in his own universe. Maybe she hadn't wound up as close to Mikado this time? He found the thought actually saddened him. As much as he treasured his juvenile little crush on Anri, he still thought that she and Mikado were very well-suited to each other.

"What did he say?" Anri asked.

"That I had rehearsed it too much."

Anri laughed again. "How is Mikajima-san?"

"She's fine," Masaomi said. "I think she's happier to be back than I am," he said, then winced as he realized how thoughtless a remark that was.

"Would you have stayed away forever?" Anri asked.

"I dunno," Masaomi said with a shrug. "I guess maybe I just wasn't ready yet." He realized, rather belatedly, that he had caused a hell of a lot of trouble for Anri, too. Of course, things were somewhat different for her. It wasn't either of their faults that she was Saika, and neither of them could change that. But he couldn't recall whether or not he had ever actually apologized for what had happened. Abruptly, he turned to her and bowed her head. "I'm sorry, Anri-chan . . . for everything that happened. I was a liar and I was an idiot, and you could have been hurt . . . could have been killed . . . because I wasn't brave enough to take responsibility for what was happening."

Anri's eyes went rather wide, and she shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Please don't be like that, Kida-kun . . . we're all at least partially responsible for what happened. For what it's worth . . . I'm sorry, too. I guess it's still not easy for me to trust people."

"Can't imagine why not." Masaomi twined his fingers through hers, disregarding the impropriety of it, and started walking again. He felt a little better, and when she didn't pull her hand away, he felt better about that, too. "So did I miss anything exciting in the past six months?" he asked brightly. "Got yourself a boyfriend?"

"Kida-kun . . ."

"A girlfriend?" he suggested.

"Kida-kun!" The faintest of blushes stained Anri's cheeks. "Don't be ridiculous," she added, squeezing his hand.

Masaomi felt good enough to take a risk. "I sort of thought you and Mikado-kun . . ." he said, and let the question trail off. He was interested to see her assumption in what she thought he was going to say. It kept him from committing to a line of questioning that was unreasonable in this universe, too, which was a bonus. It was almost enough to make up for how awkward and stilted it felt to use an honorific with Mikado's name. He was gregarious and informal enough that he could get away with using his given name even though they barely knew each other, but given name with no honorific? That was sure to raise eyebrows. He could still vividly remember how surprised he had been the first time Mikado had dropped it with him. After months of 'Kida-kun', he had abruptly become 'Masaomi'.

He had never really had the guts to ask Mikado what exactly had brought upon that change, and now he would never know.

In this case, he was gratified to see that things at least hadn't changed that much. "We went out a few times while you were gone, but . . . I'm not sure his heart was really in it," Anri said.

"Are you kidding?" Masaomi asked, gesturing wildly. "Any guy should be willing to sacrifice his left arm to go out with you! Am I gonna have to have a talk with him?" He suspected, from what he knew of Anri, that the two of them were too shy to ever get anywhere with each other without some prompting. Then he remembered that this universe's Mikado didn't seem shy in the slightest.

He wondered what had happened during the six months he had been gone in his own universe. Was Mikado's heart really not in it? Or was he still just incompetent with the fairer sex?

The thought that his outburst could have cost his two best friends their relationship with each other was enough to return him to feeling completely wretched. His shoulders slumped as they reached the tea shop, and went inside. Wretched was giving way to numb while they ordered their tea and sat down. If a convenient bridge had appeared, he would have thrown himself off it without a second thought.

"I think he's just too busy to really . . ." Anri's voice trailed off, and then she shrugged. "He works really hard to keep his grades up, and Orihara-san keeps him pretty busy."

Masaomi was pleased to note that Anri, at least, still hated Izaya as much as he did. She couldn't hide the contempt in her voice when she spoke of the information broker. "Then we need to free him from Izaya's evil clutches!" Masaomi declared, relieved to finally have an ally. "Then you two can live happily ever after! And Izaya can go die in a ditch somewhere."

Anri giggled. "And how do you propose we do that?"

"I'll think of something," Masaomi assured her. Their tea came and they both sipped it for a while. Anri asked about the places he had been and Masaomi was glad enough of the change of subject, regaling her with the story of his adventures while they drank tea and ate snacks. He was preoccupied, thinking of what Mikado had said to him. It would be dangerous to try to free his friend from Izaya's influence, with Mikado actively looking for his secrets.

He realized with a jolt that it didn't matter. Mikado could look all he wanted, but there was nothing to find. His entire universe had been erased. Nobody knew except him, and Kadota-tachi, and given Kadota's speech in Russia Sushi, Masaomi was very sure that Kadota didn't plan on telling anybody about the shift.

His own universe was gone.

There would be no getting it back.

He had to build the life he wanted here.

"Hey, Anri-chan . . . are you still in the Dollars?" he asked.

Somewhat surprised, she nodded. "Yeah." She hesitated for a moment. "Are you?"

"As of last night? Yes."

"Oh," she said, obviously unsure of where Masaomi was going with this.

"I'll have to talk to Saki about this, but I think she'll agree," Masaomi said. "Go out with me!"

Anri laughed again. "What?"

"We'll make Mikado so – Mikado-kun so jealous that his head will spin! You are about to have the most awesome boyfriend in all of Ikebukuro! We'll just see how he reacts to that."

"That is the worst idea you've ever had," Anri said, "and given that this is you, that's really saying something."

Masaomi puppy-faced. "You don't want to go out with me?"

"I didn't say that," Anri said, blushing again.

"Okay!" Masaomi stood and struck a dramatic pose. "Let's do it!"

* * *

><p><em>~to be continued~<em>


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thanks for reading!_

Chapter Three

Saki had spent an enjoyable morning sitting in an internet café, texting and e-mailing her various contacts to catch up on the gossip she had missed during her absence. She was not at all surprised when Izaya sauntered in as if he owned the place. She ignored him as he went up to the counter, got himself a coffee, and then strolled over to her table. "This seat taken?" he asked, with a charming smile.

"Feel free," Saki said, gesturing to it.

Izaya plopped down and sipped his coffee for a few moments. When she continued to ignore him, he said, "Aww, Saki, don't be like that. You know you were always my favorite."

"Mm hm," she said, amused. She put down her phone and said, "Was there something you needed?"

"I just wanted to stop by and say I'm glad you're back in town," Izaya said. "Ikebukuro was so boring without you."

"Now I know you're lying," Saki said, with a laugh. "Ikebukuro is never boring. Besides, you have a new protégé to liven things up for you, now. Whatever scheme you are currently cooking up, I'd advise you to check it at the door."

Izaya studied her for a few minutes. She picked up her phone and began to text again. "I didn't think you would convince Masaomi-kun to come back."

"You clearly don't know him as well as you think you do," Saki said.

"Well, that's the thing," Izaya said. "Actually, I _do_ know him that well. I really didn't think he would ever be back. You must be a stunningly good influence on him."

"Which I'm sure you would know all about," Saki said. She folded her phone and tucked it away. "Izaya, I'd like to get something clear. I don't hate you. I'm not even really angry. You are what you are, and I understand that. It would be pointless to hold a grudge. I'm still willing to work with you in a professional capacity. But I have no desire to be friendly with you. And given how well I know _you_, I'm very sure that this is not a social call. I know you're not going to forgive me so easily for tattling on you to Simon and then running away with Masaomi. So. What do you want?"

Izaya stretched and tucked his hands behind his head. "Masaomi-kun paid a visit to Mikado-kun yesterday."

"I'm aware. So?"

"He seemed very intent on apologizing for something."

"Masaomi blames himself for losing control of the Scarves. Does that surprise you?"

"Yeah, actually."

Saki kept her voice even, though inwardly she was puzzled. Masaomi had told her that he had argued with Mikado. He had said nothing about attempting to apologize. One of these things was a lie, and unfortunately, she couldn't be one hundred percent certain that it was Izaya who was lying. Not that the broker wasn't capable of it, but she couldn't see the benefit for him in this lie. "Did Ryuugamine-kun accept his apology?"

"I think he was too bewildered to know what to do with it," Izaya said. "He said that Masaomi-kun was acting like he should know him."

This didn't fit in either, and now Saki was uncomfortable, although she gave no sign of it on her face. "So? I'm rather surprised that your new protégé _didn't_ recognize the former leader of the Yellow Scarves when he showed up on his doorstep to make a perfectly logical apology."

"I was actually surprised by that, too," Izaya said, waving a hand as if to brush this aside, "but they never actually met, and plenty has happened in the intervening six months. I honestly think Mikado-kun had mostly forgotten about it. But what I want to know is why Masaomi-kun felt the need to come apologize to someone he barely knows."

"He caused a lot of trouble for the Dollars. Ryuugamine-kun is the leader of the Dollars, or founder, or whatever you want to call it. Masaomi can't exactly apologize to every Dollar, so issuing an apology to Ryuugamine-kun seems quite reasonable to me." Saki shrugged. "I think Masaomi just wanted to make a fresh start. He couldn't be sure that the Dollars wouldn't want some sort of payback."

"After their crushing victory?" Izaya let out a snort of laughter. "Yeah, I can totally see how they would want payback for that."

Amused, Saki said, "Your plans never do go quite as you intend, do they? All your architecture for a grand war, and then Ryuugamine-kun came out of nowhere with his Dollars and Kadota-san and squashed it into the ground. Yet you still employ him. Which makes me wonder . . . did you know he was going to do that? Or did he go behind your back and do it without your knowledge?"

"Ah, ah, ah," Izaya said. "We all have our secrets, Saki."

"So true," Saki said. She finished her coffee and stood. "Which makes me wonder . . . how many is Ryuugamine-kun keeping from you?"

Izaya said nothing.

"See you around," Saki said, smiling as she turned and left the café.

* * *

><p>Masaomi looked at the stack of homework in front of him and wondered exactly how Saki had convinced him to start school again. He had never particularly cared for it in the first place. It had always disappointed him somewhat that Mikado wasn't in his class, so he couldn't copy his homework . . . not that that would help him now.<p>

It didn't help that he had never been very good at concentrating while he was at home. Somehow, the silence always bothered him, no matter how loud he turned his stereo.

With a sigh, he packed up his books and left the apartment. Saki would be able to get him to do his schoolwork with one of those disapproving looks of hers. He texted her to let her know he was on his way over, and she replied with an affirmative.

By now it was well into evening, so the subway was crowded, and keeping his balance was a full-time occupation. Once over at Saki's, he let himself in with the key she had given him, then dumped his bag on the floor by the foot of her futon and flopped onto it. "My first day back, and already they're trying to kill me," he said dramatically.

Saki looked up from where she was sitting at the kitchen table and said, "I re-enrolled too, you know."

"Online classes don't count," Masaomi said, feeling grumpy. On the whole, he had felt better after his date with Anri, but from the way Saki was looking at him, he had a feeling that his good mood was about to be ruined. "What's up?"

"I spoke with Izaya-san today," Saki said.

"Ah ha!" Masaomi said. "Now you see what I mean about being able to avoid him."

Saki couldn't help but laugh and shake her head. "Yes. He is something of a plague on humanity. He was curious about what happened between you and Ryuugamine-kun."

"Figures," Masaomi said, feeling quite put out about this. That was all he needed along with everything else: Izaya sticking his snaky nose into things. He paused to wonder whether or not snakes had noses, then saw the look on Saki's face. "Exactly how much trouble am I in here? Are we beyond 'sleep on the floor' and into 'get out of my apartment'?"

"I think we're still currently on 'I would like an explanation'," Saki said. "Izaya-san didn't say anything about an argument. He said you went there to apologize."

Masaomi ducked his head. He knew there was no way out of this discussion, and his mind was already racing, trying to figure out how to explain the unexplainable. "And?"

"I need you to tell me the truth, Masaomi," Saki said. Her voice was gentle, but there was a note of steel underneath it. "Things are hard enough without you lying to me. There aren't words for how much I don't like it when I know someone's lying and I have the feeling it isn't Izaya-san."

"I don't want to tell you," Masaomi said. He didn't think he _could_ tell her. It was bad enough that he had told Kadota. He didn't think he should tell anybody else. If the news of it spread, it could be disastrous, presuming it didn't result in everyone thinking that he was a lunatic. "I don't want anybody to know."

"I wouldn't tell anyone."

Masaomi rested his forehead against one hand. "Saki . . . you tell people things. It's what you _do_. You said you wouldn't tell Izaya anything, ever, but you already told him things today, didn't you, about why I might have gone to apologize to Mikado-kun."

Saki shook her head. "You haven't grown up enough to realize that it is always less dangerous to tell Izaya-san something than it is to tell him nothing."

"I guess." Masaomi sighed.

"But if it will make you more comfortable, I promise that this conversation, at least, I will not repeat to anyone."

"Okay." Masaomi stared at his school books to avoid looking at Saki. "Yes, I went there to apologize."

"Why didn't you just tell me that?"

"It just . . . it's a little embarrassing, okay? And saying we'd had an argument seemed like a better way to explain it. I didn't think Izaya would come ask you about it."

"He said you seemed to think Ryuugamine-kun would know you."

"I thought he would," Masaomi said, and stopped there.

"He said you seemed very upset that he didn't."

Masaomi couldn't tell the complete truth, but there was something else, in all honesty, that had been bothering him. "Well, I was," he said, almost snapping. "For the last six months, I've been feeling awful about what happened. I came back here and finally scraped up the balls to apologize to him – and why should I really owe him an apology, I don't even know him, but it seemed like the right thing to do – and he didn't even know who I am. He moved on. He forgot all about it. Tell me that wouldn't upset _you_."

Saki sighed and reached out to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind. "I wish you would move on. Why is it so hard for you to forgive yourself?"

Masaomi leaned into her embrace and closed his eyes. "Because I haven't earned it yet."

She held him for several long minutes. Then she let him go and sat down on the futon beside him. "What was your impression of him?"

"I . . . don't know," Masaomi said, not sure how to answer this question. "He doesn't seem like the type to be drawn to Izaya."

"It bothers me as well," Saki said, and Masaomi looked at her, surprised. She arched her eyebrows at him. "I would know better than most, don't you think? From what I know of him, he doesn't exactly seem the type. He's obviously capable of being devious when the occasion calls for it, but I don't see him enjoying it the way Izaya-san does. What happened six months ago was awful, primarily for you, but it could have been much worse. Izaya-san stirred everything up and then Ryuugamine-kun came in and shut it down cold. I can't figure why he would have done that, or why Izaya-san allowed it, and it bothers me. Either he and Izaya-san are working at cross purposes, or there was some purpose to it that we're not seeing."

Masaomi said nothing. He had a feeling that the answer might lie somewhere in his own dilemma. How much magic or spiritual mojo or whatever had been involved in creating this new universe? Things would have stayed the same as much as possible, which meant that some people might have acted out of character in order to keep events on basically the same track. He shook his head slightly. The metaphysics were making his head hurt.

He realized that Saki was expecting a response and said, "Ah, well, you may have a point. Anri-chan likes him. She said they went out a few times while we were gone, and I can't picture her having done that if she didn't think his heart had basically been in the right place. Anri-chan has a pretty good sense about people."

"Which would make sense," Saki said. "Are they still dating?"

"Not really. She said his heart didn't really seem to be in it." Masaomi realized he had better explain his plan. "Uh, she seemed a little upset about it? In her own, Anri-chan sort of way. So I told her that I would take her out on a date to see if it made him jealous. Unless you minded."

"I don't mind," Saki said, but she looked less amused than he had thought she would. Saki normally enjoyed his crazy schemes. "But I don't think it will make any difference."

"Why not?" Masaomi asked, puzzled.

Saki tapped her fingers against the table. "One of the people who would have gotten hurt most if things had gotten worse six months ago would have been Sonohara-san, yes? So as far as I can see, the most likely explanation for why Ryuugamine-kun intervened is because he was trying to protect her."

_/ I tried when I could, I tried to protect Sonohara-san, which I didn't see __you__ doing – " /_

Masaomi shook off the echoes of the argument. "But then why wouldn't he want to go out with her?"

"Because he's still protecting her." Saki's eyes were full of sorrow. "Masaomi . . . Ryuugamine-kun works for Izaya-san. He knows what Izaya-san did to you . . . using me. And then to me, using you." She reached out and gripped his hand. "He tried to tear us apart, and use us against each other. We were too strong for him. But if it suits him, he will try again. The best way for Ryuugamine-kun to protect Sonohara-san is to pretend that he's lost interest in her."

Masaomi stared at her, feeling sick rage start to twist and coil in his stomach. "He wouldn't," he said, knowing even as he said it that it was untrue. Saki didn't even bother to reply. "Saki . . . I want to . . . I _need_ to help him. To get him free from Izaya. For Anri-chan's sake."

Saki sighed and sat down next to Masaomi on the futon. "Masaomi, I'm not sure he needs your help. If he was willing to go against Izaya-san like that, I think he can take care of himself."

"Just because he can doesn't mean that he should," Masaomi argued. "I need to make it up to him. The trouble I caused. I need to take responsibility."

"It's not your fault that Ryuugamine-kun chose to work for Izaya-san," Saki pointed out.

Masaomi knew there was no way he could explain that in a way, it was. "Will you help me?"

"You know I will," she said. "Let's start with your grand plan to date Sonohara-san and make him jealous. Because the first thing we need to know is whether or not we're right about why Ryuugamine-kun crossed Izaya-san."

"Excellent," Masaomi said, feeling better about everything.

* * *

><p>"And that's it," Izaya said. "Beginning, middle, end."<p>

Mikado considered everything Izaya had just told him and decided that it fit in pretty well with what Masaomi had told him earlier that day. To have confirmation from a separate source was somewhat reassuring. So why couldn't he shake the feeling that there was far more to this than what he was seeing?

"Okay," he finally said. "Now, what are you leaving out?"

Izaya laughed. "Mikado-kun, you wound me! You just assume I haven't told you everything!"

"Well," Mikado said reasonably, "you haven't. Right?"

"Right," Izaya said, spinning around in his chair. "Saki seemed pretty interested in what happened six months ago. How you came in behind my back and shut down my beautiful setup." He sighed dramatically. "You're so mean, Mikado-kun. That was going to be so epic. You and Kadota ruined all my fun."

Mikado continued to look at Izaya with a level gaze. "Don't pout," he finally said. "You're too old for it to be cute."

"I'm only twenty-four."

"That's about twenty years too old for it to be cute."

"I have every right to pout."

Mikado shook his head. "I didn't break any of your rules," he reminded Izaya. "We agreed after Yagiri Pharmaceuticals that if I could get behind your back and outmaneuver you, that was not only my right but my job. Because if I could do it, so could somebody else."

"Not likely," Izaya said with a snort. "Oh, you were sneaky, I'll give you that. Smuggling all those Dollars into the Scarves or Squares or whatever you call it."

"You can pretend you saw it coming all you want," Mikado said, "but I know you didn't, because if you had, you would have stopped me."

"Ah! You want to see something interesting?" Izaya asked, changing the subject abruptly with a somewhat wicked smile. He punched buttons on his phone rapidly and then held it up to display a picture that somebody had taken of Anri and Masaomi having tea. "Looks like they're pretty cozy together."

Mikado looked at the picture with a blank expression that he hoped adequately hid the twist of jealousy that wrenched through his stomach. "Okay. So?"

Izaya smirked at him, and Mikado wondered uneasily if the information broker was buying his nonchalance. "Just putting it out there. Filing it away. Who knows? It might come in handy later, ne?"

"Consider it filed," Mikado said. He wanted to get out of the office before he punched Izaya in the face. "Do you have work for me to do today? Because if not, I should get home. I have a physics test tomorrow that I need to cram for."

"Nah," Izaya said. "Go be the responsible member of society that I know's in there somewhere. Have fun."

Mikado nodded, shouldered his bag, and left the building. He walked home slowly, thinking things over. Obviously, his attempts to convince Izaya that he was no longer interested in Anri weren't working. That was something he would have to keep in mind, although if she were going to date Masaomi, he supposed it wouldn't matter. He tried to convince himself that he was completely okay with that, and sighed. Self-deception didn't fit him very well anymore.

Worse was the feeling that now that Masaomi was back in town, Izaya was scheming something else. Of course, Izaya was always scheming things. Mikado just wished he would stop scheming things that involved him personally. He knew it would never happen. Izaya had too much fun seeing how he reacted.

He wished that there was someone he could talk to about this, but there was no one. He had never been good at making friends to begin with, and since coming to Ikebukuro, he had felt increasingly isolated. He had acquaintances. Anri had started to become a friend, but then he had been forced to back away from her. There was no one he trusted. Izaya had drilled that into him from his first day in Ikebukuro.

"Remember," the broker had said, "don't trust anybody. Don't believe in anybody."

"Not even you?" a much more innocent Mikado had asked.

Izaya had laughed. "_Especially_ not me."

Good advice, which Mikado had learned Izaya had honestly meant far later than he should have. He still remembered the anguish that had accompanied learning his employer had been the one driving the Yellow Scarves and the Dollars against each other. People had been hurt then. People he knew. People in the Dollars, that he was responsible for protecting.

He didn't think Izaya understood that part at all.

Mikado remembered somewhat wistfully the time back home when he had created the Dollars. He had wanted a family, a place to belong. He had encouraged them to do good things. For the first time in his life, he hadn't felt alone. Had he really changed that much?

He let out a sigh and let himself into his apartment. There were people he could talk to now – he was friendly with Kadota and Celty, somewhat friendlier than he thought Izaya might have preferred, as Celty now refused to talk to the broker at all but always insisted on using Mikado as an intermediary – but he didn't think he could burden any of them with his teenaged angst. He shook his head at himself and sat down with his trigonometry.

He didn't trust anybody.

He didn't believe in anybody.

So why was it that when he thought about Masaomi, for the first time in years, he wanted to believe?


	5. Chapter 5

_Sorry for the long wait on this . . . it's been that kind of month!_

Chapter Five

Masaomi realized quickly that one flaw in his plan to figure out what was up with Mikado by dating Anri was that he didn't Iknow/I this universe's Mikado. How was he going to find out how he felt about things? He could observe him, true, but even that would be difficult; they didn't have any classes together, so they rarely saw each other. Maybe Anri would be able to tell.

With this in mind, he waited until Sunday and then took her on a grand tour of Ikebukuro. Unlike Mikado, she had lived there all her life, but one of the best things about Ikebukuro was that there were always new things to do, new places to go. They saw the sights, ate some ice cream despite the chilly weather, and in general had a good time.

Monday night, Masaomi was trying to do his homework, and signed into the chat room to see if anyone was there. It was the usual crowd of three, and he was greeted cordially. Nobody seemed to have figured out who he was yet. They were talking about some gang activity in Shinjuku, which didn't really interest him beyond the fact that nothing seemed to be going on in Ikebukuro currently. For once, everything was quiet. This had the effect of making him extremely nervous. He knew that Izaya hated quiet. Whenever things settled down, Izaya was always thinking up ways to liven them up again.

'Tanaka Taro' seemed short and snappish, which was very unlike him, and Masaomi wondered if it had anything to do with his date with Anri. Since Mikado and Anri were in the same class, she might have mentioned it. Or, given Mikado's extensive information network through Izaya, it was fully possible he had found out about it on his own.

He wasn't the only one who noticed. Setton – who was Setton? Masaomi wondered; he had theorized in his own world that it was Celty but had never been able to confirm – asked him if something was wrong. Tanaka Taro replied that it was nothing; he just had a big test the next day.

Grinning, Masaomi texted Anri. 'Do you have a test tomorrow?'

A few moments later, she responded 'No, why?'

His grin widened. 'I think our plan is working.'

Tanaka Taro quickly changed the subject to something else. Kanra said nothing about it, and that too struck Masaomi as very interesting. It didn't seem like Izaya to keep his nose out of something like that little discussion. Did Izaya already know why Mikado was in a bad mood? Or did he have reasons of his own for keeping quiet?

Masaomi let things stay quiet for the next day, took Anri out for tea again after school on Wednesday, and said to her, "I think you should have lunch with Mikado on the roof tomorrow."

Anri eyed him solemnly over the edge of her mug. "Okay," she said, not asking why. "I'll ask him, but I don't know that he'll agree."

"Tell him it's about school stuff. Is he still the class rep?" he asked.

Anri nodded, and then frowned faintly. "Shouldn't you know that?" she asked.

Masaomi cursed. He was growing so comfortable with Anri that he had forgotten she didn't know the full extent of the circumstances. He couldn't always get away with asking questions like that. "Yeah, well, I've been gone six months. You've moved up a year. It could have changed."

"I suppose," Anri said, although she sounded somewhat dubious. Fortunately for him, she let it go. Masaomi made a mental note to guard his tongue more carefully in the future.

The next day, he waited until the lunch hour, then went up to the roof about halfway through. Mikado had accepted Anri's invitation; they were sitting side-by-side on one of the benches. Masaomi was very gratified to see the faint blush on Mikado's cheeks. Apparently some things hadn't changed, which was a relief so strong that it somewhat surprised him.

He bounced across the roof and went to one dramatic knee in front of Anri. "Anri-chan! How I've missed you since yesterday!"

Anri blushed and giggled, hiding it behind one hand. Masaomi did not miss the way Mikado suddenly stiffened at his entrance, the smile and the blush falling from his face as he fixed his gaze steadfastly in the distance. "Kida-kun, you're being ridiculous," she said.

"Ah, well, that is my specialty," he said. "Come out with me again on Sunday! I found a place with amazing desserts! And we can see that new creature feature."

"Okay," Anri said, her blush deepening.

Mikado cleared his throat. "Sonohara-san, if you – "

"Sheesh!" Masaomi said, before he could help it. "Still with the Sonohara-san? Her name is Anri. Say it with me, Mikado-kun. An-ri-chan."

Mikado gave him a look that was almost Mikado's old look of half-exasperation, half-amusement, but this time had a healthy dosage of jealousy and irritation heaped in it as well. He ignored Masaomi's words and continued, "Sonohara-san, if you don't mind, I have some work I need to get done, so I – "

Masaomi wasn't having any of that. "Ah, no, I'm intruding," he said. "You stay right here. I'll go. See you Sunday, Anri-chan?"

"Okay," she said.

Masaomi leaned over and kissed her cheek, darted a gaze at Mikado and saw something very like bitter rage on his face, didn't miss the way one of Mikado's fists clenched. Then he took off before they could actually get in an argument. It seemed that it would be somewhat dangerous to push Mikado this way, but at least he had his answer now. Mikado was still, in this universe, so enamored of Anri that he could barely see straight.

He was whistling as he changed his shoes after school, and jumped when he realized that Mikado was at his elbow. "Mikado-kun," he said, startled.

For a moment, it looked like Mikado might protest the familiarity, but then he just said abruptly, "Why are you dating Sonohara-san?"

"Do I need an ulterior motive to date such a stunning young lady?" Masaomi asked, closing his locker. "Not everyone is like you, Mikado-kun."

Mikado looked like he had bit down on a lemon. "Why do you need Sonohara-san when you have Mikajima-san?"

Masaomi bit back a curse. That was something he hadn't thought of. Mikado would, of course, know the extent of his relationship with Saki through Izaya. He would know that Masaomi taking Anri out couldn't possibly be as simple as it seemed. He chewed on his lower lip in frustration. He wasn't made for this intrigue bullshit.

That left being straightforward as his best option. He looked at Mikado and said, "You know better than anyone that information isn't free. I'll tell you why I'm dating Anri-chan if you'll answer a question of mine."

Mikado's eyes narrowed, but then he nodded. "This isn't the place," he said, and turned abruptly, walking away. Masaomi hastened after him, and hoped that he knew what he was doing. An information exchange with Mikado had the possibility of being very useful, but it was also a dangerous game.

They walked a little while, to the familiar playground where they always got ice cream. Then Mikado sat down on a bench and said, "Well?"

"You don't like me dating Anri-chan," Masaomi said, almost smiling. "It's so obvious. It's written all over your face. And if I know, then Izaya knows."

Mikado's gaze slid away. "You still haven't answered the question."

"Anri-chan was upset that you lost interest in her. She didn't know if your heart wasn't in it, or if something else was going on. Something related to Saika, or the Dollars. I told her I would go on a few dates with her to see if it would make you jealous. If it did, then the problem wasn't her or your interest in her. That means something else is going on. And now I know what."

"You don't – "

"I _do_," Masaomi overrode him sharply. "If you know about me and Saki, then you know that I know exactly why you might decide not to show any further interest in Anri-chan."

Mikado said nothing for a long moment. Then he said, "What's your question?"

"Why do you work for Izaya when you obviously despise him?"

There was a pause. Mikado let out a breath. "It's complicated."

"Explain it to me. I'm a little slow, but if you use one-syllable words and short sentences, I'll try to keep up."

At this, Mikado smiled, an expression that was much more familiar to Masaomi. "When I moved to Ikebukuro, I didn't have anyone else. Izaya had talked me into it. Well, and I truly wanted to go to Raira and move to the city. Izaya was my friend. He helped me out. Then a bunch of stuff happened with Yagiri Pharmaceuticals – I don't know how much you know about that – but it taught me how dangerous ignorance could be in this city. So I started working for him. I don't despise him. But I do understand him. He is exactly who he is, and nobody and nothing will ever change that."

"If you understand that, wouldn't it be better to get away from him?" Masaomi asked.

Mikado was quiet for a moment. Then he shook his head. "It's better to be the devil's right hand than in his path." He stood. "That's why I work for Izaya. Go home and think about that."

He turned to walk away. Masaomi grabbed his wrist. "Let me help you," he said.

"You? Help me?" Mikado laughed. "Kida-kun, last time I got involved with anything regarding you, it nearly destroyed the Dollars. I don't tolerate that. I know it wasn't entirely your fault – "

"Damn right it wasn't. Izaya sold your name to Horada."

"No, he didn't. Yagiri Namie did."

Masaomi recovered quickly. "He knew that she would do it, though, and he didn't stop her. Damn it, Mikado, you _know _that Izaya was the one behind all that, fanning the flames, pushing the different groups together. You _have_ to know that. That's why you talked to Kadota and came in and shut it all down before Anri-chan could get hurt." Masaomi realized too late that he hadn't used the honorific with his friend, but Mikado didn't seem to notice. "She's going to be hurt again if someone doesn't stop him. You know somebody has to stop him. Together we could do it!"

"Are you completely naïve?" Mikado asked, a question which seemed altogether strange, coming from him. "Do you think he wouldn't see that coming? Do you think he won't know about this exact conversation by the end of the day?"

Masaomi hesitated. "I – "

"You're not built for this," Mikado said. "You're too obvious about everything you say and do. That's exactly why he was able to manipulate you so easily the first time and he'll do it again this time. There is _nothing_ you can do to help me, so leave me alone."

"I won't. I can't!"

"Why not?"

Masaomi's gaze dropped. "I can't."

"You – "

"Don't you realize I would be dead if it weren't for you?" Masaomi shouted suddenly. "What do you think would have happened six months ago if Kadota hadn't showed up? Me and Anri-chan, dead, both of us! I was already halfway there for more reasons than I can begin to list. Horada and his cronies would have beaten me to death and then done God knows what to Anri-chan."

Mikado said nothing.

"If it's better to be the devil's right hand than in his path," Masaomi challenged, "then wouldn't it be even better to be the devil himself? You go home and think about _that_, Mikado-kun, because together we could get rid of Izaya and put you in his place. Let me know what you want to do. But I'm not going to go away. I will never go away. That's something you'll just have to live with."

Their gazes met, and held for a long moment. Then Masaomi abruptly looked away, turned, and ran as fast as he could before he could say anything else that he would never be able to take back.

* * *

><p>For a few days, everything was quiet. Masaomi avoided Mikado like the plague, which was fairly easy since they never saw each other anyway, and Mikado made no attempts to find him. Anri seemed a little concerned about both of them, in her quiet sort of way, but didn't try to push them together. Masaomi still took her out on Sunday, as promised, and she told him that Mikado had been just as distant from her as ever.<p>

He signed online when he got home, frustrated with everything and intent on avoiding his schoolwork. To his surprise, he found himself alone in the chat room with Mikado. It took him a few moments to figure out how to proceed.

Bacula: Yo~!

Tanako Taro: Oh, hello.

Tanaka Taro: I was starting to think that no one else was going to be online tonight.

Bacula: Well, sadly, some of us have lives. Kanra-san seems like the busy type.

Tanaka Taro: Yes, I suppose so.

Masaomi tried several times to engage him in some sort of conversation, but didn't have much luck. Chewing on his lower lip, he decided to give blunt questioning a try.

Bacula: You seem a little distracted. Is something wrong?

Tanaka Taro: No. I just have a test tomorrow I'm trying to study for.

Bacula: You know, that's what you said the last time you were acting weird and distracted.

Tanaka Taro: Was it?

Bacula: Yup.

Tanaka Taro: Some people might take that as a sign to mind their own business.

Bacula: Touchy, touchy. Come on! Tell your pal Bacula all about it~

There was a long pause after that, and Masaomi was afraid he had gone too far. No one else was in the chat room, this was true, and Mikado had enough skill with the internet that he could probably make sure this conversation was erased after it took place. But he knew that Mikado had to be wary, given that he didn't know Bacula's identity. Masaomi found himself holding his breath.

Tanaka Taro: It's nothing, it's stupid.

Bacula: It's a girl, isn't it.

Tanaka Taro: . . . yes.

Bacula: That's the worst! And I bet it isn't stupid. Think of how many songs and poems there are about unrequited love!

Tanaka Taro: That isn't the problem. We like each other well enough, but there are . . . circumstances. It wouldn't work out.

Bacula: Then you don't like each other enough.

Tanaka Taro: Excuse me?

Bacula: I guess I'm a romantic~

Bacula: Because in my opinion, if you really did like each other enough, there aren't any 'circumstances' that should keep you apart.

Tanaka Taro: It's complicated.

Bacula: So uncomplicate it. You like her. She likes you. Whatever else that stands in the way? Kick its ass!

Tanaka Taro: Being with me . . . it wouldn't be good for her. So maybe I like her enough to stay away from her.

Bacula: You're right. That *is* stupid.

Tanaka Taro: . . .

Bacula: *Especially* if she likes you in return. I don't suppose you've explained it to her? Listened to what she had to say? Let *her* make the choice of whether or not she'd prefer to be with you and have it be 'not good' for her, whatever that means, or be without you and not have whatever problems it brings?

Tanaka Taro: No . . .

Bacula: You should.

Tanaka Taro: Ugh. You don't understand, and it's too hard to explain.

Bacula: Look, I won't pretend I know what the 'circumstances' are.

Bacula: And maybe you're right that she's better off without you (although I doubt it)

Bacula: But if she likes you, and you *know* she likes you, and she *knows* you know, then you owe her an explanation if nothing else.

Bacula: See what she has to say. Maybe it'll make you feel better.

Tanaka Taro: I guess you're probably right about that.

Tanaka Taro: Thanks.

Bacula: Are you one of those chivalrous guys who has to protect his girl?

Tanaka Taro: So what if I am?

Bacula: Nothing, really. Just curious. You'd better be careful, though. My girlfriend always kicks my ass when I get chivalrous with her.

Tanaka Taro: . . . the girl I like probably will, too.

Bacula: Is that why you haven't talked to her?

Tanaka Taro: I guess that's part of it.

Bacula: You'll feel better after you do. Even if you get an answer you don't like. Uncertainty is the worst.

Tanaka Taro: I can't say you're wrong there.

Masaomi didn't want to push the issue, so he changed the subject to something innocuous, some rumor he had heard on the streets earlier that day about some ridiculous thing Shizuo had done. Mikado seemed happy enough to chat about that, and they talked for a while longer before Masaomi begged off to do his homework.

He shot Anri a quick text, informing her of his partial victory. Hopefully, Mikado would manage to talk to Anri sooner rather than later, before he went nuts from the waiting. He didn't receive a reply from Anri, but given how quickly he became involved in his homework, he didn't really notice.

* * *

><p>Anri had just received the text from Masaomi when there was a knock on her door. She pondered how to reply, then put her phone down and went to see who it was. There was a man standing there in a business suit, who was vaguely familiar. Someone from Awakusu, maybe? She cracked the door open and said, "Can I help you?"<p>

"Ah, Sonohara-san, yes?" the man said. His voice was vaguely familiar, too. She was fairly sure she had met him before at some point. "Awakusu-san sent me, I have something for you – "

Hesitantly, Anri edged the door open a little further. No sooner than she had, someone kicked it. She lost her grip on it as it burst open. Before she could even move, a burlap sack came down over her head. Her arms were pinned to her sides, keeping her from drawing Saika. There was a funny smell –

She woke abruptly, not knowing how much time had passed. There was still something over her face, though she didn't think it was the same thing. Her hands were up above her head now. She moved around a little, and realized they were in handcuffs, chained to a bar. At least she was sitting down, so the strain on her shoulders wasn't too bad.

"Sleeping Beauty's awake, I see," a new voice said. This one she didn't recognize.

For a few moments, she debated how to play this situation in which she had found herself. The bag was moved from her head, and she looked around rapidly, with panic that was not entirely feigned. "W-What do you want?" she asked, letting the quaver into her voice. She recognized nothing in her surroundings. It was dim. The walls were stone, and so was the floor beneath her, which was cold. There were a few windows, but at this time of night all they revealed was some orange light from the street. She could hear traffic outside, so she wasn't anywhere too isolated.

The man standing over her was tall and well-muscled, with a short sleeved shirt on that revealed impressive tattoos down his arms. She was sure that they covered his back and chest as well. He let out a snort of laughter at her question. "You can drop the act, Saika-chan," he said, using the diminutive in a mocking tone. "I know what you are."

The expression of fear and dismay on Anri's face fell from it like a stone. She regarded the man with impassive coldness while Saika spoke sweetly to her about how lovely he would taste when they added him to their flock. "I see," she said.

"Quite a few members of my organization seem to be under your influence," the man said. "It's bothersome, especially given your ties to Awakusu-san."

Anri said nothing for a few moments. She could have told the man that Saika did not get involved in Yakuza turf wars, but it wouldn't do any good. Niekawa Haruna's stint as the Slasher had ruined her ability to be impartial as Saika. Everyone thought she had participated in the color gang's war; why not this war as well? "I presume you would have me release them?"

"Well, I thought about that," the man said, "but then I decided that having them enslaved to another's will could actually be quite helpful. It's not them I want you to release. It's that cursed sword you carry."

Saika responded with a possessive hiss, its words twining more firmly around Anri's heart. Anri sighed. "Before addressing the several obvious flaws in your plan, let me start with the most basic: how, exactly, do you intend to force me to pass the sword on to you?"

"The same way you got it from Niekawa Haruna."

Anri's eyebrows went up. "You seem to have done a fair amount of research. A pity you have come to a number of incorrect conclusions."

"Well, enlighten me, Saika-chan."

There didn't seem to be any harm in it. He clearly wasn't afraid of her. "I was the original owner of the blade. Not Niekawa-san. She was infected by its previous carrier. Her strength of will was formidable enough to gather some children of her own . . . but not enough to stand up to the real thing, when she encountered it."

The man shrugged. "Well, you did get it from its previous carrier. How did that happen?"

Anri's gorge rose, but she forced her voice to remain steady. "In a bloodbath that I doubt you wish to repeat."

"As long as you are the one who bleeds, I wouldn't mind."

At this, Anri said nothing. She had no proof that suicide by the sword was the only way to pass on Saika, but it was how she had gotten it, and if there was another way, she didn't know how it was done. Saika clearly had no plans to give her up, not that this fool could have withstood the cursed blade for more than a few seconds in any case.

Unfortunately, with her arms bound above her hand, even calling in the sword wouldn't do her much good. None of Saika's children were nearby, so there was nobody she could reach out to for help. She fixed the man with a stony glare and said nothing.

He crouched down so they were eye to eye. "Do you think that thought repulses me? Cutting up a pretty young thing like you? Because it doesn't. Not a bit. I think I would enjoy it, actually. Give me the blade, and I'll make it quick. Otherwise we'll see exactly how much it will take for you to draw it against your will, Saika-_chan_."

Anri met his gaze. "You have no idea how much I can take," she said quietly.

He looked away first, unable to hold it, to keep staring into the emptiness in her eyes. "We'll see," he said.


End file.
